I became a lead pastor 10 years later than I wanted. Here’s why I’m glad for it.
In the spring of 2011, I walked around the hallways of my seminary feeling restless.
I was 25 years old, serving as a part-time youth pastor, and I was starting to get in my own head.
Two factors played a part in this:
First, there were some in my youth staff who were asking me when I wanted to be a lead pastor. They shared they’d join if I launched a church. In my youthful zeal, I let this fuel my pride. Secondly, I had heard about the ministry of Mark Driscoll at (then) Mars Hill and how he had planted the church when he was 25 years old. This made me feel like I was already “behind” in my ministry journey.
But instead of giving me what I thought I wanted, God used the next 10 years to purge a lot of my selfish ambitions, break my posture of pride and would stretch me as a man, husband, father, and pastor. He didn’t give me what I thought I wanted. Over the course of time, I wasn’t even sure if it was what I wanted anymore.
But to my surprise, a decade later, I find myself stepping into a lead pastor role.
And I could not be more grateful it’s happening now, and not then.
I say this for the following reasons:
1. My immaturity would’ve hurt others. Humble orthodoxy isn’t created overnight. Reading people in order to shepherd and not to simply “figure out” requires seasoning. Being a non-anxious leadership presence comes with introspection and practice. I’m not saying I’ve finally nailed these things down. But it’s undeniable that God has used time, experiences, and people around me to mature and develop my character and competence.
2. My idealism would’ve crushed me. At 25, I had many, “It should be like [fill in the blank].” My views weren’t wrong. They were just incomplete. I saw the Biblical ideal without seeing the fallenness of humanity. Or I saw the bad without factoring in other aspects. Idealism isn’t bad. It just requires the right mental and emotional tools to navigate the ups and downs having the weight of leadership. And personally, I did not have those tools at 25.
3. My identity would’ve been lost. When I look back at the last 10 years, I see how the gospel has infiltrated different parts of my heart as it pertains to church ministry. For example, I needed the gospel to heal my need for people-pleasing. I needed the gospel to free me from finding my identity in preaching. It’s not that I don’t struggle with these things today, I do. They don’t hold the same power as it did then.
Conclusion
You may be thinking, “But weren’t you already pastoring at 25? Didn’t your immaturity hurt others, idealism crush, and your identity get lost back then?” Yes, it did. It did because the weight of ministry is real no matter the position. But I’ve learned that the weight of the lead pastor is different. It’s not a holier or godlier burden, but it is a heavier one.
It’s the burden of the entire congregation, and not a few aspects of the church. This was a burden I was not ready for at 25. And it’s a burden I can only step into it at 35 by God’s grace.
And I’m pretty sure I’ll look back at 45 and be amazed by how God used my immaturity today.
