3 Things I’m Glad I Did BEFORE My Son Turned 13
[Editor’s Note: This is Part 2. Part 1 can be read here]
In a previous post, I shared about the three things I’m glad I did when my son turned 13.
Here are three things I’m glad I did before he became a teenager:
1. Forge a Shared Hobby
Isaiah and I love all things basketball. We’re either talking about basketball, playing one-on-one on our drive-way, or screaming our heads off playing a game on NBA2K.
This was developed organically and intentionally over the course of many years. My wife and I bought a little basketball set when he was little and cheered loudly when he would put the ball through the hoop. I then taught him how to dribble and shoot as he got a little bigger. We showed him Laker games on TV and even took him to a couple games in person. I stoked his flame for the game, the game that I love.
I’m grateful for our shared hobby today because it gives us a connection poin, even on the days when we’re not seeing eye to eye. Even when he’s not in the mood for a deeper conversation in the morning, I know I can get a few words out of him by asking, “Who won last night?”
2. Be Intentional about “The Talk”
“This is one of the happiest day of my life” weren’t the words I expected to hear from my son after giving him “the boy talk” but that’s what he said in the car on our drive home. I had to look away because I didn’t want him to see my eyes welling with tears of joy and gratitude.
This was also an idea I got from Jon Tyson, but I made “the talk” into a special evening. I made reservations to a restaurant and asked him to dress nicely. I prepared a talk which I delivered during appetizers. (As you can imagine, there was a lot of laughter) I gave him two book resources as our main entrees arrived. After dessert, I surprised him by taking him to a store and letting him buy a video game he had really wanted. His comment about it being “one of the happiest days” came on the heels of all this.
[I’ve also had a number of dads reach out and ask me what I shared for my talk. If you’d like my notes, please request it here and I’ll send it over.]
3. Make Repentance Normal
I’ve failed so many times as a dad. I’ve lost my patience one too many times. I became more demanding rather than gracious when I felt he wasn’t “measuring up.” I’ve misrepresent Christ on more than a number of occasions. But I’m glad we’ve had conversations about it, mostly with me confessing and asking for forgiveness. It’s often sounded something like this: “I’m sorry Isaiah. This was dad’s fault, not your fault. I apologize, will you forgive me? I want you to know that dad needs Jesus too. I need Jesus today just as much as you need Jesus. We both need His grace.”
I once heard a pastor’s son share that the gospel became real to him by watching his dad’s repentance. I found that to be profound and resonant with Biblical reality. Seeing his dad preach theological truths wasn’t unimportant. It was important. But it was more important to see that his dad was transformed by the very truths he was proclaiming. I hope that my children will see the reality of the gospel at play through my repentance (and I’ve had to do a lot of it!)
Past and Future Grace
I recently heard someone say that children hit “record” until they’re 18 but hit “replay” when they get past 18. I’m not sure if that’s encouraging or discouraging since parenting is a mixed bag of good and bad parenting. In the end, I’m grateful that God’s overflowing grace is ever present for moms and dads past, present, and future.
