Raising a soon-to-be teenager begins long before they turn 13. As my son approached his teen years, I realized how much our earlier habits had strengthened our bond. Intentional rhythms can do the same for any parent and child.

You don’t have to be a perfect father. That job is already taken by our heavenly Father. But we have a longing to be intentional and instructive. Here are three things I’m glad I did when my firstborn son became a teenager.

We can assume our emotions arrive one at a time—sadness first, then joy once the sorrow passes. But Scripture paints a more complex picture: we can be “grieving, yet always rejoicing.” In embracing both joy and sorrow, we open ourselves to the presence of God and others in a more honest, healing way.

A church highly comprised of a particular ethnicity may wonder, “Are we too [fill in the blank]?” This is a conversation requiring wisdom, and when geography and theology shape the conversation, the potential is a church that’s both faithful and fruitful.

We live in an age where it’s easier to blast someone online than look them in the eye. But as George Orwell discovered, meeting face-to-face has the power to turn enemies into human beings again. If Jesus chose to step into the flesh to confront those who opposed Him, maybe our next step can be a cup of coffee with the person we can’t stand.