Every pastor has seasons of crises. 

They can arise from external circumstances or internal challenges. 

There were two times in my life when I went through a pastoral crisis. 

The first was a pastoral crisis of failure (or what I perceived to be a failure).

Though I had dreams of how God would use me while in seminary, I began to face a different reality as I was finishing school.

I had been on staff at a church as a part-time youth pastor. My wife was 5 months pregnant. I was beginning to face a few real-life questions regarding the future. 

Right out of seminary, I continued to serve in my youth position while working 30 hours at a tutoring academy on the side to make ends meet. I had also just become a father and my perspective on life and existing relationships were evolving.

It was a disorientating time in which my hopes and my realities seemed to drift further and further away from each other. I remember thinking, “This is not what I signed up for.” Every day felt like a few more steps away from “ministry goals” that had already grown hazy. I felt crushed. (I share in detail this first crisis here).

The second was a pastoral crisis of success (or what I perceived to be success).

Fast-forward 4 years, and I was flourishing in a full-time role at a church. During this season, I was apparently becoming “more known” in the small network I was in and started to ride the preaching circuit. Within a few months, I had preached at a few conferences and events. And yet, I felt crushed.

This was because I could not reconcile the speed at which I felt like I was succeeding outwardly with the lack of speed at which I was “succeeding” inwardly, in my spiritual transformation.

From the outside, I looked like someone who was “crushing it.” But internally, I was still the same guy as before trying to figure out how to be a good husband, dad, and fighting for contentment, and battling my pride. This dissonance troubled me. 

I remember thinking, “I thought ministry success would make me happier.” I was just as disoriented as my first crisis.

What These Experiences Taught Me

In “God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life” Tim and Kathy Keller write, “Both success and suffering will test you, bring out the worst in you, revealing the rats. They are equal spiritual crises.” 

When I look back, I see how God was leveraging both seasons (as different as they were) as a tool to refine and purify me. He used the disillusionment in my perceived failure and success to gently expose the deep roots of pride, entitlement, and idolatry - roots that would poison my soul. 

I don’t ever want to go through what I felt during those seasons. But I can’t imagine being a pastor today without those experiences. He used those seasons to break and re-mold me.

Conclusion

God uses all kinds of tools to change and transform us.

He will use both success and failure to accomplish this. This is good news for you and me. 

If you’re currently experiencing some kind of failure, you can know what you’re experiencing isn’t the end, but a means to something far greater. The same could be said of our success. The success you’re experiencing isn’t the end. It’s just a means to something greater, to lead you closer to Jesus himself who alone can satisfy.

But the greatest news of all is that we have a God who is constantly chasing his people. While God invites us to minister to others, he continually ministers to us.

So let God do what he does best in your life, which is to work out your transformation, in failure or success.