I admit that was click baitey. 

But I do think what I’m sharing in this post is one of the most profound leadership advices I’ve received up to this point in my life.

It happened during a breakfast meeting with a leader I had reached out to. With over 40 years of ministry experience, I wanted to pick his brain on different matters such as marriage, leadership wisdom, and how to pursue humility.

I took over 4 pages of notes and he said countless brilliant things, but during one moment in the conversation, he said something (which was really a throw-away line) that stuck with me more than anything else. 

He said: 

“Every leader ends up getting what they want. Think carefully about what you want.” 

If that doesn’t blow your mind, here’s why I think it should.

Leaders can live under a narrative that says we’re essentially victims to circumstances we can’t change.

In other words, we can think we’re helpless to the changing culture, the needs of the people, the pressures from the tension of church and family, and the list goes on and on. 

But what he was saying was - while there certainly may be times when a leader faces unexpected no-win situations, most situations are really the byproduct and result of the leader’s truest wishes and desires married to tiny choices made over a period of time.

This is what I’m calling the “You Get What You Want” (YGWYW) Principle.

Think about the classic scenario - A young leader is constantly frustrated by the blindspots of his senior pastor. He’s always meeting with other pastors his age and venting about things he would do differently. He wonders aloud how much longer he can put up with this kind of leadership.

My original narrative construct would’ve said - “Yeah poor guy. It’s really hard to be an associate. That lead pastor needs to wake up.”

But according to the YGWYW Principle - I would now wonder if that young leader is secretly addicted to the frustration cycle he’s in. It’s possible that he actually loves the feeling of comfort he gets from feeling superior to his lead pastor as he vents his frustrations behind his supervisor’s back. He may actually be in his comfort zone - happy to collect a paycheck, not really lovingly challenge his lead and organization towards improvement. He’s getting exactly what he wants. 

Or imagine this scenario - A lead pastor sitting discouraged in his office chair. His young eagles have flown away to other ministry positions, the church has lost all momentum and the people aren’t happy. 

My original narrative would’ve said - “Oh how terrible it must be to be a lead pastor. Poor pastor. Shame on those young leaders for leaving. Instead of complaining, his church needs to pray for and encourage him.”

But again, according to the YGWYW Principle - it’s entirely possible that the lead pastor didn’t really listen to anyone even when there were warning signs. He may have wanted to consolidate as much power for himself as possible. In other words, he ended up getting exactly what he wanted.

See according to the “You Get What You Want” Principle” leaders are not in a perpetual state of victimhood to circumstances they can’t change. Leaders have the same ability, no, more ability (!) to shape their circumstances than anybody else.

That’s the privilege of leadership.

And here’s why I think this is great news:

1. Leaders Have the Opportunity to Walk with Vision and Wisdom 

Steven Covey in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” describes one trait (Habit 2) as effective people beginning something with “the end in mind.”

In other words, they don’t just make decisions in a vacuum, but carefully think about what they truly want at the end of the day and proceed with the finish line in mind.

As an application to this, Henry Cloud in his book “9 Things a Leader Must Do” says that the best leaders know how to fast forward the movie to the ending. He says, "Any one thing you do is only a scene in a larger movie. To understand that action, you have to play it out all the way to the end of the movie.”

This means we’re invited to calm, thoughtful, purposeful, intentional decision-making in the here and now. We can decline hurried, haphazard decisions that sound good right now without playing the movie forward.

2. We Are Free To Drop Victim Mentality

Yes, we can be honest about the hurts, wounds, and pains of leadership. Yes, leadership is lonely. However, once we free ourselves from the mentality of helplessness, we can move forward in the Spirit’s power toward proactive self-control that makes loving decisions for the sake of God’s people.

Besides, our people can sense victim mentality. They know it when it’s happening and it’s hurting our leadership. It’s annoying for the very people we’re trying to lead.

We’re free to stop bemoaning our incredible role as spiritual influencers. If the crown of leadership is too much, we’re free to hand it off to someone else. But if we’re gonna wear it, we’re free to wear it with dignity, integrity, and courage in the Spirit’s power.

Conclusion 

I shared this with a good friend of mine who is an amazing leader and he remarked how “Romans 1-ish” it was (in Romans 1:26-31, Paul describes how ultimately every human being gets what he or she desires).

I couldn’t agree more.

In our privileged roles, let's not suppress the truth in unrighteousness. Let’s see the truth of things for what they are, take ownership, and move forward with continual repentance and stewardship. 

Every leader falls short, but every Christian leader has the risen Christ as his or her advocate and Chief Shepherd.

Let’s think carefully about what we want.

We may just end up getting it.